r a e

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna

I feel like DC leaned too far into contrasting the tone of the Marvel movies to the point that there is no heart in a lot of their movies. There's so much drab and dreary and brooding darkness. Harley Quinn is everything to me because she brings so much color and energy to literally every scene she's in, no matter the movie. Plus, Margot Robbie is obviously having the best time. I'm hoping we get a lot more of her, and maybe bring in some fucking ROBINS. We need Dick Grayson (maybe give him a different nickname), we need Jason Todd, and Tim Drake. I even want them to eventually get to Damien Wayne! And if Robert Pattinson wants to do that, great! If not, find me a 27-ish Batman, skip the backstory, and go straight to the Haly Circus and give me the first Robin. I will literally write the movie, DC. Please, I'm just so tired.

Also, while I'm pretty psyched about it, I'm furious we're supposedly getting a Nightwing movie before we get a true Batman and Robin movie. That is all.

Suicidal Fanfiction

I usually stay away from fanfiction that has a theme of suicidal tendencies because I can tell that some of the writing/thoughts of the character that has these tendencies fall flat. Perhaps the writer is still developing their own understatement of those who has these tendencies.

As a person who does have these tendencies that randomly pushes itself to the forefront of my mind, I try to connect with the character and the connection is not there. I read and I can’t relate to the character. I get mad and just try to ignore my feelings.

However, there was a fanfiction that I read recently that made me cry and ball my eyes out. I haven’t cried over any of the talks I had with others to “get better” or whatever. When I read this fanfiction, the character was saying/feeling/thinking the same things I thought. Their confusion matched mine when someone would try to help. This character had matched my actions and emotional response when someone had discovered that I had these tendencies.

It was the first time that I was crying so hard that I couldn’t breathe. My head was hurting, my chest was tight, my eyes felt fucking huge but it was great. I didn’t know that I needed to relate to someone about my feelings until I had finished reading the story.

I just couldn’t believe it. I haven’t touched my topic of self-harm or suicide tendencies since 2014.

My reasoning behind not killing myself is not the best but I am hoping that I will find something to actual live for.

“Find a goal that you want to do. Something to live for.”

Kind of hard to do when, mentally, I don’t feel that I have the right to enjoy life, to live for something, etc.

This fanfiction just hit me in the heart. I love it.

I haven’t felt a connection to something I read since 2005.

suicidalthoughts mentalhealth

Coding

Somehow…joining this coding boot camp is giving me stress but I am having fun. Currently working on my first app and I gotta say…

Coding helps with me fear of failing. I legit would put off working on a code because I would fear failure…..

Now I fear the lack of sleep and possibly failing the class.

overall…big fun

coding learningtoprogram javascript is easier than css jquery is cute kinda instructors are big nerds also love cats the amount of pet love in this class is mad amazing listening to the Narnia soundtrack helps with studying
athoughtfox

on the pevensies’ names

athoughtfox

SO there’s something that always bothered me about Susan, and that was: why is she called Susan??? Peter, Edmund and Lucy’s names all have clear significance, but I never could see what about the name ‘Susan’ was important for her character 

UNTIL my last reread of the Chronicles, when I spotted something in VoDT that I couldn’t BELIEVE I’d never noticed before. It’s a HUGE pointer towards what happens with whether Susan eventually returns to her belief or not, and although I’m sure I’m not the first person to have seen it, I can’t remember reading about it in any Susan’s-fate discussions before, so here goes.

Peter, Edmund and Lucy all have names with deep significance. ‘Peter’ means ‘rock’, which is clearly well suited to his role as the ‘rock’ of the family, but perhaps more importantly he’s named after Saint Peter, who in the Bible is something like the rock upon which my church is founded. The Pope sits on ‘the throne of Saint Peter’ as God’s representative on earth (for the catholic church at least), and Peter’s throne is that of the High King (CS Lewis did a little power in Narnia flowchart thing and Peter sits right below Aslan on it I think). plus the whole Peter-and-the-gate-of-heaven thing in LB. 

‘Edmund’ is a two-part name, translating to ‘prosperity’ and ‘protector’. Sure, ‘protector’ is applicable because of his actions against the Witch, but his name is mostly significant because of its use in Shakespeare - in King Lear, Edmund is the name of the Duke of Gloucester’s bastard younger son, who betrays his family to gain power. Shakespeare’s Edmund is never completely redeemed, but he is an ambiguous character who can be played as really awful or quite sympathetic or a bit of both, and he’s got lots of parallels to Narnia’s Edmund.

‘Lucy’ means ‘light’ and hers is pretty straightforward - she shines the light onto the path to Narnia and to Aslan for her family.

But Susan? ‘Susan’ means ‘lily’, and for the longest time I could not for the life of me figure out why that was important. CS Lewis wouldn’t give all the others such significant names and then come to Susan and be like oh well I guess that will do, but I couldn’t find what it was. Sure, lilies are flowers traditionally used at funerals, which is a bleak bit of foreshadowing, but it didn’t seem like enough

AND THEN

I was reading VoDT and at the end, when they get close to Aslan’s country, what do they find? A SEA OF

LILIES

and I couldn’t believe I hadn’t noticed this - that the flower on the path to Aslan’s country is the flower Susan is named for. which, combined with the foreshadowing in PC about her returning to Aslan, is a pretty strong hint about her eventual path.

If we also take a look at a compass - the sea of lilies is in the utter east. it’s heavily implied in the Narnia books that Susan’s path away from Narnia starts when she goes to America, which - from England - is a journey west, the opposite way. so Lewis is definitely paying attention to direction here. and to the east, on the pathway to Aslan’s country, he filled it with Susan’s flowers.  

my whole standpoint on the problem of Susan is a bit more complicated, but I think this is a lovely whisper from Lewis about her eventually getting to rejoin her family

Ever just understand a difficult concept in class and it brings you the level of confidence and power that comes with vanquishing a dark evil????

Because I have this coding hw and BRUH when I got it I was MUSHAHAHEAHAHAH like Crazy witch….

Maybe not vanquishing a dark evil but becoming an all powerful ruler.